I am not one of those people that take their dreams and look for meaning around every corner. Yes, I do realize my subconscious has a few tricks up its sleeve, but not every dream has a hidden meaning. For example, I had a dream my freshman year at college that I was getting married on campus. Right in the middle of the quad I was hyperventilating because my wedding dress was missing. Forget the fact my husband to be had only proposed to me the night before, none of my family was around, and my best friend wasn’t by my side. No, I was freaking out because the dress was missing. That really is me. Forget the bigger picture and focus on the details. I digress…
There are certain aspects of my dreams that do stay with me into the waking hours. They leave reminders of what is important, the things to watch out for and give me insight on people in my life. These dreams really show me the people who matter and those that need to be let go. I have to say, my subconscious, despite its many flaws, can be good to me sometimes.
I’ve faced many problems with people over the years. Last year I had a friend who decided she did not want anything to do with me anymore. Reasons, you ask? Let’s say we fell victims to miscommunication. There is an Irish proverb:
Bíonn dhá insint ar scéal agus dhá leagan déag ar amhrán.
For those of us who don’t speak Gaelic, perhaps the translation will be better. “There are two sides to every story and twelve versions of every song.” In other words, there are multiple ways to read a text message. Some people automatically read a message as if it were a personal attack. I’ve always found that rather sad. Especially when four years of friendship is suddenly put on the line.
The important thing is to remember how to move forward. For the sake of health and sanity, sometimes you have to realize you should come first. This means breaking old habits and realize the usual mechanistic tendencies many of us are flawed with, are just that. Flaws. I cam 800 miles from the place of my birth and raising to see that I could start over. Amazing what a 15 hour drive can do for the soul.
I’ll use myself as a perfect example of the ways many of us leaving high school and entering university need to change.
One. I am more paranoid than I thought. Sad, right? I’ll give you an example. First few days out here one of my male friends held the door open for me waiting to go inside. I was confused. Was he going to stick some sign to my back? Smack me in the back of the head since I was in front of him? Nope. He was simply going by what his mother taught him; ladies first. Go figure, chivalry is not dead. I’ve met people that just want to do things for you to see you smile, not asking anything in return. Go figure. No alternate motive, just peace and love. It’s true, what they say. The further west you go the more hippies you meet. Happy hippies, and generally clean.
Two. I have found less stress. One lesson I learned quickly? Sometimes you just have to let that phone ring. You cannot continuously make yourself sick with worry over situations you cannot control. For the two years I’ve been in Chicago I have had less than half the amount of panic attacks I did in one year of schooling back home. Doesn’t say a whole lot about me, but it does show that I’m learning that I am mortal. Not everything is within my control.
I used to spend nights running to people’s houses to take care of them. Answering phone calls and staying up all night to talk, only to see the person peacefully rested the next day while I look like I had only just managed to pull myself off the floor. I never asked for anything in return because I had always believed friends before all. I am aware that the saying goes ‘Blood is thicker than water’. Yeah, those Germans might have had a point, but I beg to disagree. I have a saying of my own.
There is a difference between your relatives and your family.
Some people have strong ties with their family, good for them. I think you make your own bonds, and those ties are the strongest. My point is this. You find people you can rely on, the ones that will be there through the good times and the bad. Times where you find yourself being portrayed as the big bad wolf is when you need to learn that those little piggies just aren’t worth your breath.
Three. Hello, my name is Luci and I am socially awkward. It’s true. I don’t want to go on a pity me rant, but for those nearest and dearest they understand that I have only recently become well adjusted. I’m horrible with taking compliments and am always waiting for the other shoe to drop in ever situation. I’ve gotten much better though. University brings about new friends and their version of therapy sessions. These sessions usually include movie nights, flying tackle hugs, and best of all midnight adventures just to go out and talk.
So how is it that this all ties together? The simple conclusion is life is a chess board and it’s your move. For me, I’ve taken my turn and if I try to make another move Fate will yell at me for trying to cheat the game. So for once I will humbly bow out and wait for the universe to take its turn.
I will simply retreat to the spot inside myself where I feel safest. I pictured myself in a perfectly smooth tower with no entrance to keep me safely inside. It’s the part of me where I learned the dark is not scary, just a quiet place where serendipity is found.
Serendipity. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you’ve found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for.-Lawrence Block.
I came to Chicago looking for a new approach to learning and a new view of things. I wasn’t running away, I just wanted a change of pace. What did I find out here? I found friends and a new perspective. Better yet, I remembered what it is like to find someone you trust with all of your heart and be scared half to death knowing you’ve given your trust to someone you barely know.
That is my serendipity.
